Saturday, June 9, 2007

A TV ad

I just saw an ad for the Rocket Fishing Rod. A garish plastic thing. An orgasmic mix of guns and fishing to any die hard outdoorsman, to be sure. Finally, one must think, I can get the kids interested in fishing by giving them guns and letting them take shots at these fish all day.

I've never cared for fishing, or hunting for that matter. The cro-magnon carnivore will retort with "Well where do you think all that meat comes from then?" or something equally banal.

Suprise, I don't eat meat. Not that its anything about saving the animals or any of that nonsense. I don't really give a shit. Well, maybe a little. But meat makes me sick. Not worth the effort to get aclimated to it. It's complicated. But fishing and hunting just seem too God damn boring to me. Sitting on the shore, or in a boat, or a blind, waiting endlessly for some poor animal with the brain the size of a pea to come along and make you lucky.

No waiting for action in this day and age. No sir. Nothing entertaining there. I want my action fast. Instant results. Have you seen fishing shows on TV? Dear God, you know they've fast forwarded through all the bits they think are boring, and its still like watching paint dry.

Now the hunting and fishing I can respect, is that done in a very real and carnal method. Fishing? No man, not this sitting on your ass drinking beers waiting on a fish to be dumb enough to take a bite on your lure. No, my father once related a tale to me of a man who snorkeled for his fish. He'd get out in the ocean a bit on a small boat, go over the side, and look for the fish he thought he wanted. Then swim down forty or fifty feet with a spear gun, check things out, and if he wanted the fish, he'd spear it, and haul it back up and into the boat. Now that's fishing.

Hunting? My uncle used to hunt bear. Not with a rifle. Too easy. A compound bow and razor tip arrows was his method. I could respect that. No fierce overkill, like an Israeli tank going up against a Palestinian throwing rocks. No this was fair, balanced, plenty of time for that bear to come at you and maul you to death if you didn’t place a shot right.

But if I did eat meat it would only be kosher. No way I could eat that processed mystery meat that comes out of most American meat packing places. To think our beloved Congress has refused to pass laws that would require the packers to not say, sell meat that has feces in it. The American answer to this problem isn't sanitation. No no, that would be expensive, time consuming.

Instead we bombard all our meat with radiation, leave the crap in the meat, just kill the bacteria that comes along with it.

Say, whose hungry?

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