I'm just waiting on a plane.

I'm getting ready to make a career change.

Seems strange. I sort of stumbled into IT by accident. My father sort of stunted my curiosity in computers when he got mad at me all the time for spending time indoors trying to program my TI-99-4/A and then my commodore 64.

I could never understand him. Why buy me stuff like that and then limit the time I spend on it? He was always forcing me in to playing sports. I played baseball, a sport I personally despise and always have, for four or five years.

Enough about him.

So I'm doing a career change. For the first time in fifteen years I'll have a non-technical job. I've been wanting to make the transition somehow for a long time now, four or five years. I had hoped my company would grow and expand and I could spend time managing it instead of doing primary technical stuff for it.

I just want a break. Unfortunately, companies don't really grant sabbaticals. I'd love a year or two off to go do something else. Take a sanity break.

But this new job, if I get it, won't be technical really. I'll babysit enterprise class customers, making sure they get the support they need and whatnot. It's a 24/7 job. You are always on-call, but you don't go in (in fact you work from home). I'm a little worried that it won't work out, because it's something new. But it's a dream job as far as I see it.

Well, it isn't working for Google as a site manager, but we all know how that turned out.

So anyway, hopefully soon I'll be doing non-technical work and be in pretty much the same pay-range as before.

I'm sort of treating this like getting married. I'm realising that the only reason I have not to take this job is the fear of it not working out. Can't let that stop you in life.

I've been getting tired of technology. Things at this point in my career are either simplisticly easy or extremely tedious. There is very little fun left in the work at this point. I'm good at what I do, and I'm thankful that I have this ability to pick things up. But I'm bored with computers at this point. Maybe this career change will be a huge disaster and I'll move back into IT again just for the money, after realising how good I had it.

Or maybe not.

I've had a lot of dreams about my parents on this trip. Stuff that wakes me up after a scene is over. Very intense.

A manager at my work told me he was keeping my mother in his prayers because of her stroke. I wanted to tell him that she doesn't deserve it, that she brought this on herself and all that. But I can't figure out a polite way to say it all without sounding like a complete dick. So I've graciously thanked him for his concern instead.

I guess that's a politically savvy move there.

I sent my daughter a book while I was on this trip. Fedex'd it to her so she would get it while I was gone. It was really cute to hear her talk about it. Me getting a package is a tedious thing at this point in my life. For her it was an adventure. Her comments went something like this "Yes, we were cleaning my car outside and the mailman came and gave me the book. It's about a band. We read it."

She really can pull off long sentences that suprise me sometimes. Pretty sophisciated for a three year old I think. I guess some of my appraisal of her ability is clouded by being her father. But whatever.

So anyway, my son can speak pretty well on the phone too now. Not bad for a 18 month old. When I call I can hear him saying da-da in the background. He must be pissed when it isn't me on the other end of that phone.

Well, enough about this stuff. Time to get ready to hop onto this big ole jet hairdryer.

Strange dreams this week

These dreams are keeping me up. I have one and when it's done I wake up, like the show is over or something.

They are all sort of sad tales. Variations on my life that might have been had I made a choice other than the one I did at the time.

Some sort of mental self-judgement is afoot.

So yesterday I found out why my mother had a stroke.

It's stress basically. That's the short answer. Short answers never truely cover everything in life though.

So she got arrested. Felony possession, grade 4. It was only a matter of time I guess.

She was one year from retiring from working at the Department of Corrections. She got fired (being an addict while working at a prison is a big no-no apparently). Lost her retirement benefits.

sigh.

I was going to take the family up to see her for Thanksgiving, but I don't think that's going to happen now.

So what is this for?

Is this just a mental mastrubation site? Notice there isn't a single comment about politics. I guess that's because I get really frustrated and angry thinking about politics at this point.

We've lost the heart of what makes the United States great. Being in the US at this point is like being in Rome during the slow plunge into the history books.

I guess this will turn more in to a blog about me rather than my views on the world.

Maybe a silly documentary or archeological dig in to my mind, something for the grand kids to go through after I'm dead and gone. Who knows. Maybe no one will read it. Maybe I'll get alzheimers and read it every day to find out who I am.

My mother had a stroke

So my mother had a stroke the other day. And probably a heart attack as well.

I didn't go up to see her, stayed with my family and kids. I feel kind of guilty about that, but I also can't stand my mother. The more she wants to be around me or the kids, the harder it is to tolerate her.

She smokes, she behaves like an attention starved puppy.

Wife and I are doing better now. I'm on Wellbutrin now. It seems to help a lot with mood stuff. I'm pretty happy with it overall. Less thoughts of suicide and depression for sure. That is sort of what started me being on Wellbutrin. It's complicated.

Speaking of a puppy, I've had the urge lately to get a puppy, or a young dog that will play with the kids some.